Say ‘Hi’ to your mother for me, okay?

Pittsburgh 26, Jacksonville 21
How many times will Ben Roethlisberger be destroyed by an opposing teams’ defensive line until he turns to dust? It seems like he’s on his ass after EVERY play. Yet, Pittsburgh continue’s to win. I’ve never seen a more beat up 4-1 team. Parker: out. Mendenhall: broken in half. Roethlisberger: gets motorcycle flashbacks during every pass rush. I can see them winning their division considering how awful it is. But Roethlisberger might not have short term memory in time for the playoffs.

Chicago 34, Detroit 7
Oh what a way to begin the Matt Millenless era. They made Kyle Orton look like how the Lions must have seen Joey Harrington when they drafted him. Confused? Should be. ‘Honor Du-al’ Brian Urlacher could’ve been out there and still would’ve had 4 tackles. It’s a shame the Lions can’t choose an entire defense in the draft. Would be cool if you could. I’d take Auburn’s.

Atlanta 27, Green Bay 24
Even Packer fans can’t blame Rodgers for this one. Who knew that all Atlanta needed to do was take Michael Vick’s skills and separate them into two players. See: Matt Ryan and Michael Turner. The Falcons were supposed to be the laughing stock of the NFL. Rookie coach, rookie QB, first year starting RB, franchise player in prison, ugly stadium. Didn’t add up. They’re 3-2. 3-2! They were supposed to be so bad, at this point, people had them at 0-7.

New York 44, Seattle 6
The Giants demonstrate that they are currently the best team in the NFL. It seems like they have more players on offense than the opponent’s defense. But the key to their success is their offensive line. I’m pretty sure Manning hasn’t been grazed by a DE this entire year. The line gives him 15-20 seconds per play to find one of his 34 receivers. Seattle lost before the coin toss.

Dallas 31, Cincinnati 22
That entire game, the Cowboys were begging to lose. Romo continued to cough the ball up so he could get to the sideline a put his hat on backwards to show how cool he is. It’s funny to watch Wade Phillips face light up every time Dallas scores. It’s similar to when you show a toddler a magic trick. And Carson Palmer might just have a mental breakdown on the field before the end of the year.